The Cullens Discover FanFiction!
by BandGeek99
Summary: When Bella tells Edward about a site she enjoys going on, he decides it'd be fun to check it out. But oh, God, what has he done? THE BEAST HAS BEEN UNLEASHED! What happens to Twilight people when they are exposed to the horrors of... FAN FICTION!
1. Welcome to FFN

The Cullens Discover Fan Fiction – by BandGeek99

The Cullens Discover Fan Fiction – by BandGeek99

**Don't tell me you've never read one of these for another fandom. I haven't seen any in Twilight, so I took it upon myself to do it. Yay me!**

**Depthmon: Skip the speech and hurry up, I wanna read, dammit!**

**The Deimon Commander From Hell: Oi vey. There he goes…**

**Depthmon: Shaddup, you!**

**TDCFH: No, I don't think I will.**

**BG: Boys, if you can't play nice you can't play together. Please let me give my speech and **_**then**_** you can read it.**

**TDCFH: Can I help terrorize the Twilight people with my incredible fan fiction awesomeness and evilness?**

**BG: You don't even read Twilight, last I knew.**

**Depthmon: Yeah, idiot, how are you supposed to do anything cool like that? Lame-o…**

**TDCFH: TAKE THAT BACK, YOU SON OF A BATCH OF COOKIES!! Or I'll whack you with a stick!!**

**Depthmon: Oh, punk wanna dance? (begins fighting with TDCFH)**

**BG: (sweatdrops) Okay, um, well, I hope you readers enjoy this… and… um… yeah-ha-ha…**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. If I did, would I be writing fan fiction with you people?**

**Enjoy!!**

**000**

Edward Cullen sat on the couch in his room with his stereo playing "MONSTER 80's: DISC 2" (track 10, "Take On Me" by a-ha). His laptop was open on his lap and he surfed for news on the upcoming Harry Potter movie.

A dinging noise rang through his ears and he noticed that Bella, who was at home, had sent him an IM.

BloodSuckingWolfGirl: hey, eddie. sup?

PuRePuNkRoCk: nm. u?

BloodSuckingWolfGirl: ditto. u need 2 check out fan fiction cuz it's amazing!

PuRePuNkRoCk: do u mind explaining?

BloodSuckingWolfGirl: well, jake got me hooked on this manga, fruits basket, so i went online and looked at fanfiction 4 it and it was great and i think u should read some.

PuRePuNkRoCk: yeah… ill take a look, kk?

BloodSuckingWolfGirl: kk!

They chatted on about meaningless things until Bella had to get offline to feed Charlie. When she was done, he clicked on the link she'd sent over.

He looked around the homepage and noticed the "Just In" at the top. He clicked on it and noticed many a story under the "TWILIGHT" category.

"Huh?" he murmured, a frown furrowing his face. He clicked on one that said "My Boy" by PrettyRAINBOWS.

_Rosalie Hale smiled and laughed evilly as she thrust a knife into the sleeping Bella's back. Thunder crashed outside and lightning lit up the room._

"_I've triumphed!" she cried and laughed again, tossing her blonde hair behind her back. "Edward will be mine!"_

_She climbed out the window again, off to claim her prize._

Edward stared at the webpage in horror. "Oh, my God!" he whispered. "How did they… why would she… WHAT THE HELL?!"

**000**

**So what did you think? It was only an intro, but I hope it was enough to intrigue you. I'll churn out chapter 1 today, probably, since I have no life. (Ah hah, jk jk!!)**

**Depthmon: Wow. I didn't know people could be that cruel to Bella.**

**TDCFH: How? (takes out gun, starts shooting at BG's feet) I do it to you guys all the time.**

**BG: (dancing around and – thankfully – not wearing a skirt, but pajama bottoms) Why me?!**

**TDCFH: I dunno, maybe cuz it's funny when you get mad.**

**Depthmon: (rolls eyes) Great…**

**Review and I'll update faster!!**

**--BANDGEEK--**


	2. Emmett, Rose, and Jacob Bashed

**Here's something out of character… A NEXT DAY UPDATE!! OMG-ster!! (Yes I just said OMG-ster. Got a problem?)**

**The Deimon Commander From Hell: (raises hand) I do!**

**BG: (takes out TDCFH's Devil's Handbook) Oh, really now?**

**TDCFH: How the hell did you get a hold of that?!**

**BG: I have my ways… (smiles evilly)**

**TDCFH: I don't think I like that smile…**

**Depthmon: Ah! Run away! She's going crazy!!**

**Kenny: (comes out of nowhere) I wanna do the disclaimer! La la la la! BandGeek and I don't own anything that you recognize except the little fan fictions cuz we rock that way. Yay us!**

**BG, TDCFH, and Depthmon: (stare at Kenny)**

**Depthmon: Um, is that normal?**

**BG: Yeah. Who gave her the Dr. Pepper?**

**TDCFH: (backs away slowly)**

**BG: GET BACK HERE, YOU – YOU – YOU LA-DE-DA!!**

**Enjoy!**

**000**

Every member of the Cullen family, every member of Sam's pack, and Bella had invaded the Swan household.

Edward sat at the kitchen table in Charlie's chair with his laptop in front of him, getting his Internet connection running. The members of the pack were raiding the fridge and the Cullens were lounging around in the living room.

"GOT IT!" Edward shouted causing everyone in the room to cover their ears.

"You don't have to shout," Jacob hissed, moving towards the computer so as to see the screen better.

The rest of the Cullens and the pack gathered around Bella, Edward, and Jake and waited eagerly for Edward to start reading.

"Ooh, ooh, look!" Emmett said, pointing at the screen. "Click the one that says 'Emmett and the Bear'!"

Edward sighed and complied. He began to read…

_Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom called Forks, a boy named Emmett lived in the woods._

Rosalie rolled her eyes and Alice started to giggle.

_Emmett lived in a little cottage with lots of cute bunnies and chipmunks and he was friends with each of them. However, he wished he had a better friend._

"Sadly, I think I could see you being friends with a bunny, Emmett, if it weren't for the fact that you were a vampire," Jasper said, cracking a smile.

_Lost and lonely, he went walking through the woods. He walked and walked and walked until he came upon a bear. The bear was big and fat and fairly ugly, but Emmett didn't mind._

"_Hello, Bear," he said. "I'm Emmett."_

"_Hello, Emmett," the bear replied. "I'm Rosalie. Are you lost?"_

"_No, just looking for a friend."_

"_Me too! Hey, I'll be your friend!"_

"_Yay!"_

_The two friends joined hands and walked away into the woods. The End._

Rosalie's eye was twitching. "I. Am. Not. A. Fat. Ugly. Bear!!" She began dry sobbing into her hands. "NO!"

Emmett was laughing hysterically. In fact, he'd fallen over in mirth. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Shut up, Emmett," Rose snapped and resumed her crying.

He pursed his lips and tried not to laugh.

"Read another," Jacob said with a grin.

Edward clicked on one that read "Me and You".

_Emmett sighed and looked across the way. That face, that hair, those beautiful lips… How could he not be in love? "Why won't you notice me?" he thought to himself, a pout crossing his face. "Is it because of what I look like? Who I am? Or maybe… _what _I am? Won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?"_

_Meanwhile, Jacob gazed across the aisles of desks. So beautiful… full lips, dark hair, beautiful pale skin… A pure angel. "Oh… I love you so much… why don't you ever talk to me? Do you know I exist?"_

_Both boys issued a sigh._

"_Oh, Jacob…"_

"_Oh, Emmett…"_

Edward's face was purely disgust.

"OH MY GOD! No no no no no no no no!! I will NEVER be in love with him! NEVER!!" Jacob screamed.

Emmett hugged Rose. "Hold me!" he cried, obviously scared.

Bella looked at the laptop screen. This might not have been a good idea…

**000**

**Bye now! Reviews are greatly appreciated.**

**--BANDGEEK--**


	3. Of Bad Grammar and WHAT!

**Ah hah! I'm BACK! I really hope you all like this one… and I apologize for that last story with Jacob and Emmett, but… I had to!**

**Depthmon: (with a marshmallow in his mouth) I thought that was hysterical, to tell the truth.**

**BG: I thought so too. Reading slash fics and Yaoi fics isn't really my style unless it's like a parody or something and it's Harry/Draco. My friend missbigbex13 actually wrote one about the young James Potter and Scorpius. It was GREAT!!**

**Depthmon: (cocks an eyebrow) Really, now?**

**BG: Yeah!**

**Kenny: (comes out of nowhere… again) Can I do the disclaimer?**

**BG: Sure.**

**Kenny: (grinning) Ahem… BandGeek doesn't own the Cullens. If she did, Jasper would be hers. Not Alice's, hers. And Seth Clearwater would be hers, too. ;o)**

**BG: Okay, now on with the story!**

**000**

_This chapter is dedicated to my friend Nick. Nick, you may be crazy. You may have a rather… interesting dance to "Every Time We Touch". And yes, you may be incredibly adorable. But that's okay cuz… "YOU MAKE MY HEART SING!" and you make me laugh hysterically and smile like no tomorrow when you start singing every possible harmony on "Video Killed the Radio Star". Just… don't steal my phone and make me chase you again. I don't want my baby getting hurt… (strokes phone like a kitty)_

**000**

"Never again," Bella said, shaking her head. "Make sure you don't click anything that says 'slash' or 'yaoi' or 'shounen-ai', kay Edward?"

He nodded. "That was so incredibly creepy."

Emmett still had his face buried in Rose's shoulder and Jacob was throwing up in the bathroom.

Carlisle squinted at the screen and said, "Hey, look at that one. 'My Boy'."

"It doesn't say… those words," Quil said, trying to sound knowledgeable. "Clicky clicky!"

Edward consented and began to read a horribly written fic.

_Alise sat in her room cryin dry teers. Teh onli boi she luved didnt luv her bak. "O, edwurd!" she said 2 noone "wont u ever no that I luv u? wont u ever luv me bak?"_

"_alise!" he cryed, flingin open da door of da room. i do luv you!"_

_she ran 2 him. "Reely Edwurd"_

"_ya, reely."_

"_but wat abut Bela?'_

"_bela hoo?"_

By now Bella was twitching. Alice's fists were balled up and her spiky hair seemed to stand up on end. Her topaz eyes flickered with fire. "That son of a banshee…" she hissed.

Jasper was on the ground, sobbing. "No… nooo… NO! Make it stop! No! ALICE!"

"Jeez, it's just a story," Jacob said as he emerged from the bathroom. "Don't take it too seriously.

Carlisle let out a chuckle and Esme cracked a smile. This was better than cable.

The pack laughed as one. The whole making-fun-of-vampires thing was hysterical.

"Sucks to be you, ey, Edward?" Embry said, nudging the vamp with his elbow.

"Shut up."

"Aw, come on," Jacob laughed.

"Shut _up_, you gay dog!"

Jacob's laughter immediately died. "You take that back you son of a-"

"Now, now, boys, if you can't play nice you can't play together," Sam said sternly, trying to keep peace between the two species.

Carlisle got over his small fit of mirth and nodded. "True. I'll have to ground you, Edward, and Jacob…" He smiled a small, menacing smile.

Jacob shuddered, as did the rest of the pack.

"New story, okay sweetie?" Esme said, ruffling Edward's hair.

He nodded and hit the back button.

"Now one of the pack gets to pick!" Bella declared and rested her chin on Edward's head.

"That one," Paul said, gently pressing a finger up against the HP laptop, so as not to hurt the screen.

Edward looked at the title. "The Cullens Get A Little Stranger" read the title.

"I don't know if I like the look of this one," he murmured before reading aloud.

_Bella trekked up the stairs to her room and waited for Edward to climb in through the window. She was so scared… What would he think of her now?_

_A tuft of orangey hair poked up from the window and seconds later, Edward was climbing up from the floor. "Hey, Bells," he said with that dazzling smile of his._

_She bit her lower lip and waved before collapsing at the desk in the corner. How was she going to say this to him?_

"_What's up?" he asked, kissing her on the forehead and sitting on her bed._

"_Well, um…" she looked out the window at the green-ness, twirling her hair around her index finger._

"_What is it?" Edward's face suddenly became serious and concerned._

_No turning back now. She couldn't anyways, not even if she moved to Nebraska and changed her name to Gertrude McFerrin. He'd find out. She took a deep breath. "Edward…" she began slowly. "I'm… pregnant."_

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Jacob and Edward screamed at once.

"BWAAAAAAA!" Emmett yelled. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Edward, you're in deep trouble!"

"I didn't do anything, I swear!" Edward said, looking at his parents with a pleading look.

"Edward, we are _so_ disappointed in you," Esme said, shaking her head.

"I thought we taught you better," Carlisle added.

Bella was on the floor in hysterics. "That's rich… oh, oh, oh, it hurts to laugh… Ah hah hah hah!"

"How could you, you bloodsucker?! Deflowering the flower!" Jacob screeched, enraged.

"Guys…" Bella said from her little ball on the floor. "You're taking this too seriously!"

"He deflowered the flower, Bella!" Jacob shouted, his face turning a nice burgundy shade.

The others in the pack and the rest of the Cullens looked rather amused. This was, like, the best comedy show ever.

"Not really, Jake," Bella said, getting over the laughing fit and standing up. "The fan author decided he did. He didn't in real life!"

Edward let out a puff of air. "Oh, thank God. I was so scared there."

Jacob blushed and glared at Edward, as if it was his entire fault that he messed up the facts.

"Just read another," Jasper said with a sigh and a smile. This was just too funny.

**000**

**There you have it. I felt the need to put in a pregnancy story (boy that feels weird to type…) cuz I see it all the time in Twilight. Now that I think about it, I don't see them much anywhere besides Twilight… Huh… I wonder what would happen if someone wrote a Taiora one.**

**TDCFH: Are you gonna write it, oh so profound one?**

**BG: Hell, no! I don't have that kind of seriousness. I can barely write a chapter of my crossover with Fruits Basket that has Akito in it, let alone a whole story like that!**

**Skipper713: (walks in) Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?**

**Depthmon: Don't make us go over it **_**again**_**! Show up on time, jeez!**

**BG: (ignores the fight) I need ideas for bad fan fictions. If you have any, let me know, cuz otherwise I won't update terribly quickly.**

**Skipper: Whatever happened to that 20 Ways to Annoy fic?**

**TDCFH: Yeah, the one you ripped off of me?**

**BG: First of all, Mr. Smarty-Pants, I did **_**not**_** "rip it off" of your fic. Your fic merely inspired mine. Mine is, like, a bazillion times better. Secondly, I can't think of any ideas for Jasper, so if any of you people have ways to annoy Jasper Hale, let me know!!**

**Depthmon: Well… so long till next chapter, I guess.**

**Skipper: Yep! Bye-bye!**

**BG: Reviews will make my day. I'll give you an EMMETT hug!! Yeah!**

**000**


	4. What's a Songfic?

**The Deimon Commander From Hell: (*sitting, reading "Villain's Monthly" while drinking coffee*) I wonder where BandGeek is… She's usually here by now.**

**Depthmon: (*shrugs*) How am I supposed to know? (*continues throwing darts at a Sorato fan art*)**

**BandGeek99, Skipper713, missbigbex13, and bellaedward247love: (*enter room, jaws dropped to the bowels of Hell*)**

**TDCFH: What's with you?**

**be247love: (*stuttering*) K-k-kell-kellan… L-lu-lutz… Ohmigod…**

**missbigbex13: That was (*insert naughty word*) incredible… James… so sexy…**

**Depthmon: (*cocks an eyebrow*)**

**BG: We just saw the Twilight movie!! (*giggles hysterically*)**

**Skipper: Ah-mazing!!**

**BG: Taylor Lautner is so hot!!**

**Skipper, missbigbex13, and be247love: (*squeal*)**

**TDCFH: (*getting annoyed*) What is it with chicks and Twilight?! (*searches for musket*) Where'd I put it…?**

**Depthmon: (*sidles out of room*)**

**Girls: (*are still chatting*)**

**TDCFH: (*raises gun and…*)**

**000**

**I don't own Twilight. HAPPY WICKED LATE TWILIGHT DAY, EVERYBODY!!!**

**000**

**Oh, and I don't own the song used. It's called "Help Me" and its by the Alkeline Trio (I probably spelled that wrong, but whatever. I don't care anymore. (*sigh*)**

**000**

Edward skipped a couple of pages and selected one at random. "This one said it was a songfic, whatever that is. It's called 'Help Me', by MightyMightySockChild."

Esme silenced the room as Carlisle looked on, wondering if inviting both species was such a good idea.

"It'll be fine, Carlisle," Edward said, staring blankly at the keyboard.

Jasper looked at his little brother. The waves of nervousness pelted him like snowballs.

"I'm _fine_, Jasper," Edward growled, just loud enough so that a vampire could hear.

"I never said you weren't," Jasper replied and shot darts of calm at his fellow vegetarian.

Edward made a face at his brother and continued to stare at the keyboard.

"Just read," Sam sighed once the room was quiet.

"_Here goes nothing…"_ Edward thought and began.

_Bella stared up at her love with curious brown eyes. "What's wrong?"_

_The two stood in the forest behind Bella's house. Rain dripped gently off of the trees, making a gentle "plip, plip, plip" noise. Birds chirped lazily from the trees and occasionally, a squirrel would dart from tree to tree._

_Edward stood against a remarkably thick hemlock and his eyes haunted Bella's mind. He looked positively miserable. His broad shoulders were hunched and his hair looked like it hadn't been combed in several days._

"_What's wrong, Edward?" she asked again, this time with more determination._

_He sighed deeply._

_She forced his face to reflect hers. "Look at me."_

_He raised his topaz eyes to hers, misery and longing swimming in his irises._

_**Here you find me in between  
Heaven and Hell my dear  
Where nothing's what it seems  
It's just as well I fear  
I'm giving you the creeps  
And a farewell kiss to go into the unknown**_

"_Bells, I can't stay for much longer," he said. "I'm going back to Volterra soon, right after graduation, actually."_

"_Why?!" she exclaimed._

_He sighed again and ran his hands through his hair, making it messier. "I'm stuck between Heaven and Hell. I'm a monster. I'm in love with a human. I could kill you, Bella." He looked away from her and continued, his voice almost at its breaking point. "I love you, but I can tell you're scared of something."_

"_Edward," she whimpered and threw her arms around him. "Don't leave me! Don't leave me anymore!"_

_He leaned down and kissed her fervently, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her tightly to him.___

Saw you standing there  
Outside the music hall  
You come out for some air  
Uncertain curtain call  
And everyone just stared  
When you took the stage that night  
Something's not right

"_When I saw you for the first time," she sobbed after she pulled away, "I remember thinking how something about you wasn't right. I remember how you glared at me in biology, like I had some kind of disease, and then I remember how you kept pushing me away so I wouldn't get hurt. I want you to know that I don't care anymore! I love you, and I want to be with you at every chance I get!"_

Bella blushed because she knew this to be true, and Esme cooed, "Aw, that's so sweet!"

"Shut up!" Alice hissed, "I want to hear this!"

_**  
You're up there  
Took the stairs  
To the stars all alone  
You left all the lights burning  
But nobody's home  
I believe they deceived your tuneful heart too long  
Now they sing along**_

Help me, Help me won't you?  
Sing me, sing me one last song?  
Help me, Help me, somebody help me  
Save me from myself

"_Bella," Edward sighed and held her closer, if that was possible. "I love you more than you know. I'm a monster, though," he said, repeating himself. "I'll hurt you, and that'll hurt me which will hurt my family, and…I've just got to go."___

Here I find you in between  
Heaven and Hell again  
Where nothing's what it seems  
It's just as well my friend  
I'm giving me the creeps  
And a farewell to arms, and legs, and heads, and hearts

"_I know you're going through Hell with this whole thing, but I can't say goodbye to you. I'm going to miss you." Bella cried harder and gripped Edward's shirt so tightly it threatened to rip._

_**  
You're up there  
Took the stairs  
To the stars all alone  
You left all the lights burning  
But nobody's home  
I believe they deceived your tuneful heart too long  
Now they sing along**_

Help me, Help me, won't you?  
Sing me, sing me one last song?  
Help me, Help me, somebody help me  
Save me from myself, Take me from this Hell

"_I need help," Edward confessed after a while. "I need you to help me." He looked down at her sobbing figure. "I need you to save me from myself."_

_**  
Now they sing along  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la**_

You're up there  
Took the stairs  
To the stars all alone  
You left all the lights burning  
But nobody's home  
I believe they deceived your tuneful heart too long  
Now they sing along

Help me, Help me won't you?  
Sing me, sing me one last song?  
Help me, Help me, somebody help me  
Save me from myself

Help me, Help me won't you?  
Sing me, sing me one last song?  
Help me, Help me, somebody help me  
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la  
Save me from myself  
Take me from this Hell

_Bella nodded and hugged him tighter. "I love you," she told him one more time._

"_Yeah. Love you too, Bells."_

Carlisle smiled. "That wasn't so bad, was it, guys?"

Paul was blinking back tears and Jacob was sulking in the corner. Quil was beaming and Bella was blushing madly. Edward looked embarrassed and Jasper was laughing at his brother's humiliation.

"No, it was really sweet!" Alice cried and squealed. "Bella, you really love him!"

Bella slapped a hand to her forehead. "Alice… It's a story."

"So?" Alice asked gleefully. "The story's a perfect example of your true love for each other!" She jumped up and down in a hyper manner.

Jasper tried his best to send his most calming denpa waves to her, but they bounced off and hit everyone else.

"Jaaaasspeeeer? Dooo yooou miiind?" Carlisle asked dreamily. He had a giddy smile on his face and giggled frivolously.

Jasper, had he been able to, would have blushed and he shut down the steady stream of beams that he was emanating.

"Just find another one," Rose grouched while Emmett went into hysterics over the sappiness of the song-story.

**000**

**Not much of a chapter, I know, but I felt obligated to update!**

**TDCFH: It's about time, you lazy bum!**

**BG: (*shoots TDCFH a dagger glare*) Shut the hell up, you!**

**Depthmon: (*snickers*) Ah, a lover's quarrel…**

**TDCFH and BG: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! (*attack Depthmon*)**

**Kenny: Read and review!!**

**Laterz,**

**--BANDGEEK and Kenny--**


	5. Alchemic Crossover, Anyone?

Crossover?

**This is probably a little confusing for the Twilight fans and a little much for the Fullmetal fans, but if you've read/seen both, then you should enjoy it :) Even if you've only seen/read Fullmetal and know the basic plotline of Twilight.**

**And Carlisle is getting harder and harder to write. Poop!**

**I'm sorry for the inexcusably long wait! But the truth is… I've had too much other stuff going on. Mostly FMA stories. But whatever.**

**This was written as a reason to mostly point out that Fullmetal is HIGHLY superior to Twilight, no matter what the fangirls say. And because I always wanted to write how Edward would react to someone so similar… Yaaay for vampiric paranoia!**

**I don't own Twilight (property of Summit and S. Meyer), nor do I own Fullmetal Alchemist (property of Arakawa Hiromu-sensei and BONES/Funimations/Aniplex studios). If I did, though… ooooh, if only… *evil smile***

* * *

"Look at this one," Sam said. "_The Munich Connection._ It's a crossover. That sounds interesting."

"What exactly _is_ a crossover?" Jacob asked, looking around the crowded room at the humans, vamps, and shape shifters all around him.

The coven of vampires all looked at each other, quite unsure of how they should answer.

"Let's just read it and see how it is," Esme decided, patting her youngest on the shoulder. "Go ahead, Edward dear."

The redhead sighed and began to read. "Alright. _The Munich Connection_ it is."

* * *

_If there was one thing in the world that Edward Cullen could not stand, it was the inability to see into someone's head. It drove him absolutely mad that he had to resort to the power of deduction that God had bestowed upon him at his birth in 1901._

_And thus, when he ran into one Edward Elric in Germany in 1924, he was stunned that he could not see into the mind of the human._

_He didn't seem to be anything special upon first glance. Lithe-looking with long blonde hair, pulled into a ponytail, a big mouth, and a slightly short stature. He was handsome, yes, but that wasn't a trait that was terribly important to a young vampire. The only thing that mattered to him was this: he was unable to read the other man's mind. It was a little more than shocking to Edward Mason Cullen. That was, at least, until he saw Elric's eyes._

_They were a bright, brilliant golden shade, slightly darker than his own, but light enough that they would never be mistaken for brown. He was baffled. Was he a vampire, too? But would the Volturi allow another vampire running around freely like this?_

"_Bruder!" A younger boy, probably only thirteen at the oldest, ran after Edward Elric with his eyes shining and began talking to him quickly in German about something called "alchimie" and "das Tor der Wahrheit". "_Bruder, habe ich die Methode gefunden, nach Hause zurückzukehren!"_ he cried._

"_Alphonse! Genie!" Edward cried in response, a delighted smile making its way across his face and hugging the other boy. (Alphonse, was it?)_

_Edward Mason Cullen looked on in mild shock at the shouting the two brothers were doing in the street. Don't they understand the meaning of propriety…?_

_That was the last that Cullen had seen of the two Elrics until the year 2010 in a small town in New Hampshire._

* * *

"Well, that's an interesting beginning," Carlisle remarked. "But I'm not sure if you'd be aggravated if you couldn't see into a person's mind."

"Oh, I would be," Edward muttered, furrowing his brow and glaring at the screen of the laptop.

"What's 'alchimie'?" Embry wondered aloud.

"It's the German word for _alchemy_," Carlisle explained.

"You mean, like, turning lead into gold, right?" Jacob inquired.

"Something along those lines."

"In a couple series I've read about, though, they describe it more as breaking something down into its simplest state and reconstructing the matter as something different," Emmett pointed out.

"Could we all shut up and keep reading?" Paul asked with a frown.

"Please," Bella asked, looking back at the screen. "Chapter two, Edward?"

Edward took a deep breath and began to read again.

* * *

_The coven of vampires had decided to take a hunting vacation to a small New England town in honor of the change of decade and was relaxing in a quiet motel on the main road. Deer, coyotes, and many other wild animals abounded, making it the ideal spot to hunt and not get caught._

_Edward Cullen had been dragged to the moccasin shop in the middle of town by his sister Alice and brother Jasper who insisted that he needed a new jacket or something of the like to commemorate the occasion. He was not looking forward to such a trip; after all, Alice would insist on buying him all sorts of ridiculous leather goods he'd never even so much look at again, let alone even remember he owned._

"_Look at this jacket, Edward, it would fit you perfectly!" Alice gushed, holding up a brown leather jacket that would make him look like a country hick._

"_No," the mind-reader sighed, looking around boredly. The clerk's mind was focused on an anime she was watching on her iPod touch (something along the lines of _"Envy, you bastard! Don't… Don't…! Goddamn it! He's fucking dead! Every god damn time I see this I know it's going to happen and then I deny it and then it does happen… Ooh, I'm going to cry again when I see Archer shoot out Mustang's eye, I always do…"_) and, from the mind waves he was getting, there didn't seem to be anyone else in the store._

_Suddenly, Edward's vampiric powers tuned to something resembling a fuzzy radio station, garbled words and images floating through from the subconscious, but nothing clear from the person's conscious mind. He looked up, startled, and saw two young men enter the shop, one of about eighteen years of age, the other about twenty three. Behind them trailed a young woman the same age as the older male, holding an infant in her arms._

_The younger man was about six feet tall with long brown-blonde hair tied back into a ponytail. His grey eyes searched the shop for something and he wore a somewhat outlandish outfit, a long dark red trench coat with a crucified serpent on its back, a black undershirt, white gloves, and black leather pants. This confused Edward Cullen to no end, as pants like that looked so uncomfortable, especially in the late summer heat that New Hampshire still had._

_The second man was shorter than the first by three inches or so. He, too, had long hair, a golden blonde this time, yanked back into a high ponytail with unruly bangs framing his face down to his chin, a stubborn cowlick standing straight up like an antennae. His eyes were shut in frustration as he muttered something about the younger man's strange attachment to the stupid outfit he was always wearing. His hands were shoved into his pockets and he wore jeans and a slightly too-big grey sweatshirt with sandals. Edward noted with slight interest that he looked vaguely familiar, and that his left foot was constructed entirely of metal._

_The woman with them, holding a sleeping infant, was rolling her eyes at the elder blonde. She had long, flaxen hair, two long bits hanging beside her face and the rest pulled back with a thick hair clip. Edward noticed with slight shock that she carried a wrench at her hip, tucked into the waist of her sky-blue sundress, and from the glare she was giving the shorter man, she intended to use it._

"_Edward," she growled._

"_Yes?" both the shorter blonde and the vampire said at the same time._

"_Excuse me?" the blonde newcomer said, opening his eyes and looking at the vampire curiously. It was then that he noticed the other's irises were nearly exactly the same shade of gold._

"_I know you!" Edward Cullen blurted instinctively. "I saw you in Munich! Forever ago!" Now he knew why the other looked so familiar._

"_Munich?" the other Edward repeated, his face paling. "Are you… You're shitting me…"_

"_Language, Brother," the taller of the two hissed, jabbing the shorter (his brother, it was assumed) in the side._

"_Alphonse, you know we haven't been in Munich for, what, fifteen some-odd years," the blonde Edward hissed._

"_And they can hear you," the woman said with a sigh, shaking her head._

"_Jog their memories with that damn wrench of yours, would you, please, Winry?" Edward asked._

_Winry gave him a long stare before holding out the infant child to him. "Just hold Fiore for me, Edward."_

_The blonde looked gleeful at this and gladly took the slowly-waking baby in his arms. "Well, hey there! Did you miss your dad…?" The other Edward was entirely forgotten as he made faces at the infant._

_Alphonse (was that his name?) sighed. "Moron. You're worse than General Hughes."_

"_What's that?" Ed asked, looking up as Winry (that must have been her name) took out her wrench and proceeded to whack the redheaded vampire at the precise point she knew would knock him out._

"_Ouch, that hurt," the vampire whined, doubling over and grabbing the back of his head. "Geez…"_

"_Edward?" Alice and Jasper made their faces known again after hiding in the other room of the moccasin shop. "What's up?"_

"_She hit me… with a wrench… because I knew the other guy," Edward said, pointing a finger at Winry, the wrench, and the other Edward respectively._

"_You-you said you knew him from Munich, right?" Alphonse said._

"_Yeah. And I think I remember you, too, but you were a lot younger." By now, the pain in the back of his head had subsided and Edward stood._

_Winry gaped at the man with the small child. "They saw you in Munich? But… Edward, that was ages ago, wasn't it?"_

_Edward the Blonde looked up from the boy in his arms and glared at Edward Cullen. "Fifteen years, if I remember correctly. Is there a reason you're still alive and kicking, then?"_

"_I could ask you the same question."_

"_Uh, excuse me! I don't really care if you argue or whatever, but if you're going to take each other down, mind doing it outside?" The clerk behind the counter made herself known. She was probably a college student, a music major, judging from the tired way she carried herself and the huge stack of music theory books behind her. One brown eyebrow was cocked over a brown-gold eye behind rectangular glasses and Edward the Blonde from Munich allowed himself to take a sharp intake of breath as he read her name tag: Nina Parker._

"_Sorry about that, miss, we'll be leaving now," Alice said, dragging silent Jasper out of the shop, along with Edward Cullen._

"_Wait a sec!" Edward said, struggling out of his sister's grasp. "What's your name?"_

"_Edward Elric," the blonde replied, making sure the clerk went back to whatever she had been doing. "I'm Edward Elric. And you?"_

"_Edward Cullen, nice to meet you."_

"_Alice… He has the eyes. Maybe we should take him to see Carlisle." Jasper watched the blondes carefully._

"_That's a good idea," Alice said, furrowing her brow. "After all, the last time they were in Munich had to have been fifteen years ago, Edward hasn't been there since the twenties…" She smiled innocently at the four strangers. "If it's alright with you, can we treat you to dinner? There are some things that we'd like to… discuss."_

_Edward Elric narrowed his eyes at the other Edward and his family. "Yes, I suppose we ought to discuss things. Privately, if you would be so kind."_

_The "youngest" Cullen nodded solemnly._

"_Excellent."_

"_But Brother, what about my pants?" Alphonse whined. "That was the whole reason we came here in the first place?"_

"_Just borrow a pair of mine!"_

"_But my legs are longer, they aren't gonna fit!"_

"_Was that another short jab, Alphonse? You know that I've grown at least five inches since I was fifteen, damn it!"_

"_Edward, shut up, you'll wake the baby! Give him back here," Winry said, taking the fussing Fiore from his father's arms. "Stupid Ed… Hush, it's alright, mommy's here…" She began to quiet the infant as she trailed after Alphonse, who slowly and dejectedly made his way towards the Cullens._

_Edward Elric still looked cautious of the other family and placed a protective arm around Winry's waist, throwing a dark glare at the redheaded vampire._

_This was not going to be a pretty confrontation. That much the alchemist knew._

* * *

"Chapter three, chapter three!" Seth Clearwater chanted, looking excited. "This is a _Fullmetal_ story, isn't it? Yes, yes, yes! Go on, go on!"

"What is he blabbering about?" Rosalie asked with a sneer, glaring at the werewolf for all she was worth.

"Ignore him, he's an idiot," Leah Clearwater replied, closing her eyes and whacking the young boy upside the head. "Shut up, moron."

Seth did as he was told.

"Go on, hon," Bella said, leaning on Edward's shoulder.

"As you wish, love."

* * *

"_What the Hell kind of question is that? 'Are we human'?" Winry was dumbfounded at the question the pale, handsome blonde doctor had asked. "Of course we are!"_

"_What makes you ask otherwise?" Edward Elric asked darkly, folding his arms across his chest and giving the head of the Cullen household a piercing glare. "Care to enlighten us?"_

"_You aren't… vampires, are you?" the doctor's wife, Esme, asked cautiously._

"_We're human. We aren't homunculi, vampires, warlocks, whatever you want to call us," Alphonse said with a nod of his head._

"_They aren't lying, there's definitely blood running through each of them," an agitated Jasper said, his eyes shut in frustration. "I don't know if I'll be able to hold out for much longer if it keeps pumping through them."_

"_It's moving slowly, though," Alice said, cocking her head slightly as her brow furrowed in confusion. "It's almost like it's not moving at all. But it is, because they really _are_ human."_

"_That's strange," remarked a brunette with long, wavy hair and big dark gold eyes._

_That was the thing that unnerved Edward most; everyone in the Cullen family had the same shade of golden eyes. This wasn't genetic, since none of them, save for Jasper and Rosalie, was supposedly related by blood. It left a foul taste in his mouth, figuratively speaking._

_Winry sat close to him on the couch, nearly burying herself and the baby into his side, while Alphonse sat on the other side. Both brothers were ready to jump up and fight if things got violent._

_The motel room was small and crowded with the ten members of the Cullen family, including Jasper, Edward, and Alice, as well as a teenage girl who resembled Edward Cullen and the brunette, Bella, and a tall young man with deeply tanned skin and shaggy black hair._

"_If you really are, indeed, human, how are you alive?" Carlisle asked._

"_When I saw you, it was 1924 in Germany. Its 2010 America. You've barely aged, and you have a girlfriend, a kid!" Edward Cullen said fiercely. He hated—no, _loathed_—being duped._

"_I'm his wife," Winry growled quietly._

"_Whatever," Rosalie snapped. "The point is, you should _not still be alive._"_

_Alphonse exchanged a worried look with Edward and Winry, silently asking what he should do._

"_Let's pull a Mustang, let loose a little firepower," Edward said quietly and Alphonse grinned wickedly, a rare occurrence. "And then an Armstrong. If they've figured that much out, then we can't let them get away with it."_

"_Then we open the Gate and go home, right?" Winry sighed somewhat sarcastically, shifting Fiore gently in her arms._

"_Exactly, Win. Exactly."_

_She smiled too. "Finally. It's been too long since I saw Gran and Miss Hawkeye."_

_Edward smirked and, before any of the Cullens could register what has happening, slit his finger ever so slightly with a sharp piece of metal _from his right hand_ and clapped his palms together._

_At the smell of blood, Jasper's eyes dilated and he jumped towards Edward with remarkable speed. A hulking boy who had been introduced as Emmett grabbed both of his brother's arms in an effort to hold him back, but it was to no avail._

_Edward Elric's little blood stunt was quickly joined by his brother, who followed suit as Winry stood and threw open the door, running out as quickly as she could._

"_Hey, wait a second!" the tall, tanned boy called, but was quickly cut off when he noticed that Edward Elric now stood on top of a massive cannon and Alphonse had clapped his hands together, as well._

"_Sorry we can't stay," Edward said wickedly. "We've got more interesting things to do."_

"_Have a nice life," Alphonse said politely as he mimicked his brother's maniac grin. With that, he slammed his hands into the ground as his brother clapped and slammed his hands on top of the cannon._

_A simultaneous blast of rock and fire blew through the room, stunning and temporarily blinding the coven of vampires and a bright light glowed throughout the room. Suddenly, a massive gate was seemingly _in _the ceiling._

_Winry reentered the room and grinned at Edward. "Hey, what do you know? Your theories were right, it worked!"_

"_Through the Gate we go," Alphonse said happily, his eyes lighting up with thrill._

"_Yeah. Let's blow this world," Edward Elric said, grabbing his brother's arm and his wife's waist, grinning at the massive gate. "Take us home, you bastard," he called out._

_The last thing the Cullens saw of the four were long, black tentacle-esque hands pulling them through, then hearing a loud "thunk" as the Gate shut and disappeared._

"_Never thought I'd see something like that again," Carlisle remarked, frowning at the ceiling. "It's been a long while since the Gate showed itself."_

"_What the hell are you talking about?" Emmett asked, legitimately baffled as he pulled himself up from underneath a pile of rubble from Alphonse's little stunt with the rock of the ground._

"_Nearly eighty years ago, I was present when a man named Van Hohenhiem came through a gate just like that from another world they called Shamballa… A country called Amestris…"_

_The others gaped at him as the man seemed to loose himself in memories._

"_Of course, he didn't age nearly as slowly as they did. I'm wondering if it was the Gate's doing, perhaps when they passed through…" His golden eyes widened in realization and he smiled. "Those lucky bastards figured it out."_

"_Figured _what_ out, dear?" Esme asked, puzzled._

"_Nothing, love. Nothing important." The man continued to smile as he thought, _Well, Edward Elric, I guess you got to return after all. Congratulations on a job well done.

* * *

There was a pause as the room fell silent as Edward finished reading the story.

"Wow," was the only word that Emmett said. "This has got to be one of the only well-written ones I've ever heard."

"True," Carlisle said, his eyes gleaming with happiness. _Well, I'll be. They knew about Hohenhiem, too? I wonder if it's true that his sons made it over here. And with a lady, no less!_

Edward turned around in his seat to look at Carlisle. "You're saying that the whole thing about that Gate is true?"

Carlisle smiled. "Who can say, Edward? Who can say? Why don't you read another one?"

* * *

**There. Finished. Well, that had to be the most awkward ending I've ever written. That got me **_**nowhere.**_

Alright, so for all of you **Fullmetal** fans who are reading this and whining, "But they **destroyed the Gate**! **Winry couldn't come through **it! Wah, wah, wah…!" Yes, I _know_ this. **Shut up **and **let me speak.**

**I believe that the Gate CANNOT be destroyed. It's impossible. The Gate is what binds the universe together. And Winry… Well, I think that she would have done anything to be with Edward. (Why else would she carry around his arm and leg everywhere with her, hm?) And I get the feeling that Edward cared about her so much more than he ever revealed (it was hinted at a LOT during the first anime, and in the manga/Brotherhood universe, it's even stronger). **

**And to me, it only seemed natural that the Gate opening and closing so many times would have a wonky effect on the gap between years. If it was opened in 1923 in Munich, then I believe that when it was shut, the year gap (which was originally just five years) shifted. Edward and Alphonse are both from "Shamballa", so it only makes sense that they would age according to Shamballa's calendar. Right?**

…**So that's the end of my Fullmetal rant. Twilight fans, what did you think? Honest opinions are welcome! :D**

**~~BANDGEEK**


End file.
